Instant weight gain

I'm not walking this morning, I walk pretty much every morning before work. I wake up 5:30ish, stumble to the bathroom, splash water on my face, put in my one contact, and get dressed to go walking. By then I'm somewhat awake, I put on a hat, a jacket if it's a little cool, grab my Ipod and go. I usally walk...depends on the morning, anywhere from 1-2 miles. I feel good the rest of the day and I know it's done so if I don't get a chance to walk later in the day, it's already done.

This morning, I'm tired, I have a little of a self-induced headache...that's a hangover, I haven't been banging my head on the wall. I exercise a lot, I realize this so why do I feel guilty the maybe 1 or 2 mornings I don't walk? Why do I get this mental image of gaining weight because I didn't walk this morning? I have lost 70 lbs in a little over a year and have kept it off. I continue to watch what I eat (sometimes I just watch it as it goes in my mouth...mmmm, choc-o-late) I exercise last weekend I walked 4 miles on Saturday and Sunday morning and biked 9 miles on Saturday afternoon. I'm doing good with exercising, so what's up with the guilt?

My rational mind realizes that I will not gain weight one morning of not walking, my 'chubby for most of my life' mind thinks....OMG, this is it....I can feel my waist expanding, I bet my jeans won't fit this morning! Where does that come from? I pride myself on not being hard on myself for my eating habits, I watch what I eat, but I refuse to 'diet', diets don't work. I have changed my lifestyle, I exercise more, I make better choices, but I don't limit myself. If one day I decide I want a piece of chocolate I have a piece of chocolate...I just don't eat the whole bag. I don't refuse a piece of cake on the day of someone's anniversary at work, I just limit it to one piece.

I guess this is one hurdle I still need to get over. I know that I still need/want to lose more weight and that skinny...okay, thinner woman inside of me wants to get out. I know I need to let go of the guilt, realize I am doing a good job, work on the things I can work on, and just...relax about the rest.

Maybe I'll walk after work.