No more visits from Aunt Flo

I am a cancer survivor, specifically uterine cancer and I had a hysterectomy which basically cured me as it was contained in my uterus. It was a life changing experience in some good ways and in some bad ways. It is on my mind lately because of two reasons; one I recently had my 14 year anniversary of being cancer free. I consider my surgery date to be my 'cure date' since it was basically taken care of by surgery. Secondly I have decided to become involved in this years American Cancer Society Relay for Life, I have participated before as has my mother and it is a pretty awesome event and it raises money for a great cause. I may have contacted some of you for a donation...those of you I haven't contacted...consider this a plea for a donation! What this is leading up to is the telling of my story and the feelings of what I went through and what I feel about it now. This may get long winded, so get yourself something to drink.

Editors warning: there is going to be some 'female' talk here, I will try to be somewhat discreet, but if you can't handle it...skip a little further down. There may also be a little medical talk too...

Sometime in May of 1994 I was living love as a poor black child...oh, wait...wrong story, sorry. I was actually living in Lawrence, KS working at Food-4-Less, a wonderful grocery and I wonder why I ever quit! Mostly life was pretty normal, as I look back at it now the only thing that seems out of place is that I had some cramping a little further up than where I normally cramped at, of course I really didn't think anything of it I just figured it was just one of the many benefits of being a woman. I got my monthly visitor pretty much on time, but things weren't quite as they usually were. Part of the reason I want to mention this part of it, even though it may seem gross is so that if this should happen to any of you women...get help, go to your doctor...it might be something, hopefully not, but check it out! My flow was really heavy, again figured it was 'just one of those things'. GROSS ALERT The other thing was it didn't smell great, I realize that it isn't something that has a pleasant smell to being with, but this had a different smell to it and it did kind of freak me out. So about the time I thought I should be 'finishing up' I was still flowing. It kind of bothered me, I thought something could be wrong, but at the same time a lot of times cycles are unpredictable, as we all know. Then it seemed like it finally was letting up, this was going on close to two weeks. I went to bed one night with just a light pad on and when I got up in the morning it had soaked through the pad, my undies and the bed. I knew then that I needed to do something, this just wasn't right. So I went to the clinic where I normally went and the doctor examined me and thought I was having a miscarriage, which was possible. They sent me over to a local OB/GYN, whose name I can't remember, but I loved him he was a wonderful caring man. However, the front desk staff...not so much.

The doctor at the clinic made me call a friend to come get me, they didn't want me driving myself over there. So she drives me over, when we got there it was close to noon, I think..must have been. We walk in, I tell her who I am and they were expecting me. They give me the standard clipboard of forms to fill out and says "Could you please fill these out quickly, the doctor needs to go to lunch" All righty then. My friend Tara was with me and she said, loudly enough for the woman at the desk to hear "Belinda, in the future could you schedule your miscarriages at a time that would be more convenient for the doctor?" God, I loved that girl!

So that doctor examined me and he also thought I was having a miscarriage so he scheduled an emergency D&C for like an hour later. Tara whisks me off to the hospital, I get checked in, call my Mom to tell her what is going on...yeah, that was a fun conversation; "Hey Mom, I'm having a miscarriage, just thought you'd like to know" She was pretty cool, all she cared about was that I was okay.

Go in for procedure...yeah, being put under...weird experience. The guy says I'm going to put something in your IV and it might make you feel lightheaded...okay, no problem. Next thing I know I'm waking up in another room and some strange woman is asking me how I am feeling and that I needed to wake up. What the fuck?! When is the procedure going to start? Where's all the other people? It was so light in here, now it's dark. Mommy? And the woman was kind of pissing me off...I'm not asleep, I'm still waiting for the dude to put the stuff in my IV! Back off lady! Finally figured out that it was over...oh.

So I am finally awake enough to go into the recovery room or whatever and my friend is there waiting for me. Doctor is supposed to come talk to me. Oh, and by the way, I was supposed to pee in a cup to make sure I was pregnant before the procedure...not a good time to have shy bladder, normally I can pee on demand...yeah, not so much so they never got their sample. Doc comes in, sits down and he don't look so good. You know how you can just tell by how someone looks that something isn't good? This is one of those times. He told me that I had not been pregnant and what they were seeing were polyps from my uterus...tumors, my God, I'm getting choked up just thinking of that moment. It is just the last thing you expect to hear, at that time he didn't know if it was cancer, he was sending some samples off for tests and he promised me he would get me the results by the next day. (please note the word promised, it will come up again..stupid front desk staff) It was Thursday and the next day Friday so he didn't want me to have to wait the weekend to get the results. He was so great. So I called me Mom with the news...feeling kind lost, and now what? and I didn't know because I didn't know what it was. Of course Mom was her usual strong self and said no matter what it was we would deal with it and get through it. So I left the hospital feeling kind of stunned. I had called another best friend before the procedure and told her what was happening and she said she would stay the night with me that night. She came over with two flowers..I think roses, a big one and a smaller one. She said the smaller one was for the one 'that got away' it was then that I told her that I had not had a miscarriage, that it was tumors. She was great, very supportive, stayed with me that night. I had called my brother as well and asked that he come up to Lawrence and be with me the next day when I found out what was going on, so he came up the next morning.

Okay, this is long winded...I'm getting tired, and I have tears running down my face. Never realize how hard some of these memories are until you relive them.

So, sorry for the cliff hanger...but, on the next episode of as the naughty chica turns...cancer, fear, surgery, recovery,radiation, long drives, fear, feelings, loss, recovery, pain, feelings..and a bunch of other crap. Talk to you later.